Cyberbullying Discussion: Talking to Your Tweens

So now that we have an idea of what a cyberbully “looks” like, I thought we would touch on how to talk to your kids about bullying. As I began writing, I realized that I had a lot to say so I am breaking this particular topic into two parts. In today’s blog I want to discuss how to talk to “tweens” specifically. My next blog in the series will discuss talking to teens.

From my own personal experience, bullying can sometimes start as early as preschool. Each of my kids has experienced some child picking on them or calling them names when they were very small. I always subscribed to the Bill Cosby school of dealing with name calling. Bill Cosby would tell kids to simply respond to any name calling or verbal abuse with “SO”.

I would practice by role playing with my kids when they were very small. I would ask them to call me the names the bully was calling them and respond with “so”, then I would call them names and they would say “so”. This would usually end with them giggling and I would watch their confidence build as they learned what to do.

Cyberbullying can start as early as 8 or 9, so depending on how much your child uses the computer. In my personal experience, each time I have “upgraded” my kids to something new, say and email account, it has been time for a new talk. This talk is about what is allowed and not allowed, what behavior is expected of them for them to keep this privilege, what features they are allowed to use in this service, how much I will be monitoring them and what to watch out for in terms of safety.

This has made me very involved in what they are doing online. For each new game such as Club Penguin or Beanie Babies – I have had to learn what features the site has such as chat or email. Many sites allow parents to turn off some of the features. I have always customized the sites when possible to shield my kids.

As they get older, you aren’t going to have as much control over their online experience as you do know. So take advantage while they are young! Here are a few tips for starting the conversation!

Talking to Tweens

1. Mean talk is never allowed – Teach them that they should never treat anyone badly and that it is never allowed for someone else to mistreat them. Come up with a plan so they can feel

2. Stop, Block and Tell – Teach them this mantra as soon as they start using chat and email. Remind them often and ask them if they remember how to block a person in the websites they use.

3. Take Five – if someone is picking on them online, tell them to walk away before they respond. Go do something else for a few minutes and calm down.

4. Give them reassure them that you have their back – Sometimes they need a reminder that someone really cares for them when they are facing criticism at school or online. Don’t underestimate the power of a hug to help them through the tough times.

5. Keep the conversation going – This isn’t a one time talk. Keep the conversations going as they get older. They need reminders sometimes and it is always a good idea to keep tabs on what they do online.

Finally, I thought I would try to find a clip of Bill Cosby talking about the power of “so” but instead I found this video  which includes an old clip from Fat Albert talking about bullies. I thought he really hits the nail on the head when he talks about kids accepting this behavior as normal.

Cyberbullying is not normal or okay EVER. But unless we as parents tell kids that, they only know what they see on youtube and other sites to be reality.

Happy Holidays and stay safe out there!

Tracy

@McAfeeCybermom
cybermom@mcafee.com

Tags: cyberbullying, tweens